US President George Bush is rumoured to be on the lookout for a new villain, the President slash aspiring casting director told reporters yesterday.

“This new guy in Iran is one of the favourites – great CV. Word around the water cooler is that he’s the next Bin Laden,” the President said with a wink.

Bush admitted that he sees his role as very much like a casting director of the real world, saying the hit of the season is fundamentalists.

“We were really happy with what Mahmoud Ahmadinejad did in Lebanon – it was a pilot of sorts. So we’ve invited him to Washington for a screen test cos we want to see how he looks in a thawb and with a thing on his head. Then, he just has to pass what the CIA call the casting couch test.”

But the search for a new Bin Laden was not welcome news to everyone, said a CIA spokesperson, who wishes to remain anonymous.

“When Big B (the CIA’s nickname for Bin Laden) first started out, he had such passion and determination. He told me he dreamt of making a name for himself here by cracking the US market. But he has not lived up to his contract; it’s been years since he’s last worked. We didn’t sign him up as a one-hit wonder,” he told Satirical Muslim.

“A lot of people are depending on him. My own children don’t take me seriously whenever I announce a Code Red alert, and it’s bad for my rep. If I meet him again, I’ll ask him one thing: ‘Whatever happened to that young ambitious boy just trying to make it big?’ Fame has claimed another victim.”

Recent media reports confirm that even Bin Laden’s friends have noticed a change.”Ever since he took credit for 9/11, he’s turned into a complete diva,” said one Al-Qaeda operative. “Just the other day, he asked for goat’s milk and Egyptian cotton. He even had to have the cave temperature at a certain level. If you ask me, he’s getting too big for his shibshibs.”

Bin Laden’s fame does certainly seem under threat considering the dissastisfaction of Bin Laden fans across the globe who have been left disappointed by the lack of action over recent years.

One poster on a Bin Laden appreciation site, simply named James from Ireland, remarked, “When he said he was going to strike fear in the hearts of every Westerner, he should at least have the common decency to keep to his promise. I haven’t felt so gutted since the Bee Gees broke up.”

The Al- Qaeda operative added that the past few years have been an anti-climax. “It’s like the Godfather movie, nothing can top the first one. And to pour salt onto injury, you get these new guys from India and Iran trying to take our jobs. It’s a cutthroat industry. I have kids to feed.”

But it is Bin Laden himself who will silence critics, with loyal Al-Qaeda operatives releasing a special DVD edition of Inside the Actors Studio: Bin Laden.

“I was sick of playing Arab roles all the time, the token terrorist in infidel movies,” the terrorist mastermind told Studio’s host, James Lipton. “I wanted something more challenging; like where I play a woman or put on weight. It’s the only way I’ll get an Oscar.”

When asked by Lipton on his thoughts about having someone replace him as the ‘go-to’ villain, he replied, “I’m not too fussed. If there’s one thing the Americans and British are good at, it’s nostalgia. They’ll come back, they always do.”

The DVD also reveals that shortly after 9/11, Bin Laden travelled to Nairobi, Kenya where he adopted Shaka, an African orphan.

Bin Laden showed no signs of slowing down, saying the future was bright. So what’s next for Team Bin Laden? “I’m launching my own clothing label this summer. It’s called ‘Blowback’ .”