Al-Firqah An-Najiyyah Association Pty Ltd

For Immediate Release

Al-Firqah An-Najiyyah Association Pty Ltd has recently launched itself as the newest and foremost Islamic non-group in the whole world. With its global headquarters based in Coburg, Melbourne, it has the humble aim of bringing enlightenment to Earth and all the other planets in the known universe.

Born from an intense dissatisfaction with existing community groups, committees, clubs, societies, and individuals in Islam, Al-Firqah An-Najiyyah Association Pty Ltd — also referred to as The Saved Sect Association Pty Ltd — has declared itself the Be all and End All, the Alpha and the Omega, the One-Stop Shop, and the All-You-Can-Eat of the Muslim world.

Says the non-group’s founder, Shaykh Abu Mishmish Al-Kazakhstanee:

“We looked at all the groups, bro! Salafis, Sufis, Tablighis, Ikhwanis, Hizb Ut-Tahrir, modernists, everyone! We even looked at cults and those who don’t follow any Shaykh or group. No one was perfect, they all had some deficiency or other. So we decided to start our own non-group to fix that.

“Let me just make a disclaimer that I am totally against the idea of starting a group! There are no groups in Islam, only the sunnah!”

“On the other hand, though, you must belong to a non-group, especially in the land of the infidels, otherwise you will be lost and confused! The wolf eats the lone duck.”

The Shaykh also had the following to say on the new non-group’s activities.

“We do everything, bro, and we do it right, not like those other groups. We do tawheed better than the Salafis, dawah better than the Tablighis, dhikr better than the Sufis, and politics better than the Ikhwanis. There’s nothing we won’t do, and there’s nothing we won’t do the way it should be done!”

The non-group’s first event will be a fiery sermon delivered by a female imam on the importance of softness in dawah to Members of Parliament, followed by a group dhikr session with political slogans chanted against the head of kufr, the United States of America.