The British Government has funded a set of programs as part of their policy to get children off the computer, Education Secretary Ruth Kelly announced last week.

Thousands of young members of MSN and Yahoo! Messenger, MySpace, YouTube and Facebook were invited to attend the “Book MyFace in YourSpace” conference last weekend, which took place in various cities across the UK. The invites were sent out via email posed as Warcraft cheats to every under-16 in the country. Incentives included giving each attendee £50 worth of vouchers to spend at Play.com.

Most parents have supported the scheme. “I think it’s important they spend time with three-dimensional people” one concerned parent said. For some, this will be the first time they’ll meet their friends face-to-face.

Mobile phones, Ipods, PDAs, Gameboys, WIIs, and portable DVD players have all been confiscated for the duration of the event. Name tags were provided, with participants’ online nicknames written on them to avoid confusion.

Event feedback

Our reporters attended one of the events in London to find out some of the opinions of the teenagers, and here’s what they found.

“I didn’t recognise her without the headset.” Emma, 14, who took 3 hours to reunite with her BFF (best friend forever) Sally.

“She told me she was a natural blonde. Damn you, Photoshop!” Tom, who will only answer to ‘FlyWhiteGuy86′.

“So I found out that Emily has 11 fingers! I always wondered how she managed to type so fast, I always put it down to lessons. Forget it man, I don’t need that elephant man crap in my life right now; she’s got to go.” Steve, 15, concerned.

“He used my real name and exposed my true identity, what a n00b. It’s over, he’s offline to me now.” Eric, 10, ruthless.

“The ladies didnt respond well to my ultimate ‘AYBABTU” chat-up line as well as they do on the net. Maybe it’s my voice.” Jack, 12, in denial.
“This is a great initiative, it’s good to see so many young people socialising. Plus, I didn’t even need to ask Helen what she was wearing, that’s a real time saver.” Darren, 16, worldly.

“Er yes, I’m here as a parent.” John, 53, whose nickname “Angel14″ told Satirical Muslim he was enjoying himself.

Karen and Jamie, both aged 13, got married via text recently, stating that it was “Love at first type. He said my avatar was pretty, we laughed, the rest is history”.

“She never showed up, I’m feeling colon-star-bracket.” Kevin, 10, emotionless.

“a/s/l? Actually, I don’t care about your location, I’m from the internet.” winked Karl, 13.

“OMG, AFAIK, TANSTAAFL, OTOH, it’s good to be AFK sometimes, and at these events, WYSIWYG, IYKWIM ROFL. So IMHO, FWIW I’d come again, HTH, KTHXBYE.” Thank you Michael, 15, for the words.

“One of the guys had the nerve to ask me for my name. What a troll.” Susan, 12, hard to impress.

“I feel naked without my laptop, my Nano, my Nokia. You’ve stripped me of my personality!” An emotional Mathew, 14, later pleaded with the organisers to use one of their phones to no avail.

Some participants were seen gesturing while uttering the words “force-field” as other children walked passed. “Thats the real-life geeky equivalent of blocking someone,” explained Rachel, 16.

Post-event

A group from the psychology department at City University were sent behind the scenes to assess the damage.

“It’s pretty shocking the level of anti-social characteristics found in these children. Clearly, these sorts of situations are awkward. And without their noisy gadgets, some of the participants were getting edgy,” explained one of the observers. “This is a generation that is used to secondary noise as an important part of their lifestyle; silence makes them feel very uncomfortable. And so would having to rely on their undeveloped interpersonal skills.”

So what of the future? “It’s hard to say whether this is just a phase or a growing problem. One thing’s for sure, the NHS will bear the brunt of this.”