John Howard has come to the defence of longtime friend, broadcaster Alan Jones, following findings by the Australian Communications and Media Authority (ACMA) that Jones vilified people of Middle Eastern descent in the leadup to the Cronulla riots in 2005.

“I am outraged that anyone would dare accuse Alan Jones of being racist. First, he’s an outstanding broadcaster, so you’re all just haters. Second, if we’re going to get picky, Alan’s prejudiced not racist. There’s a difference. It’s really Muslims he doesn’t like,” said Howard on ABC radio this morning.

“I really should be neutral on things like this, so I won’t comment on ACMA’s sucky decision, except to say, Alan rocks! See you at the beach on Saturday, Al!”

The embattled broadcaster also furiously rejected ACMA’s ruling. “I only abused Middle Eastern scum for about 20 minutes on my show. Did all those people lodging complaints consider that? Besides, all those people throwing bottles at the beach on the day aren’t in my prime demographic. Ipso facto, any remarks I made influenced older people!”

Jones attacked ACMA, arguing all who know him realise that somewhere under the spurious insults there is a heart. “I wouldn’t dream of encouraging or promoting violence. But unfortunately some people do, and so they need a little nudge. I’m in the industry of dream-making. Some people won’t realise their violent, bigoted potential without a bit of a teeny tiny push,” said Jones on his radio show.

Jones read out excerpts by way of demonstrating the lack of malice in his broadcasting. “I regularly opposed violence and brutality. I mean, maybe not against the scum who got bashed on the day of the riots. In general I do though. Some people are just biased against me and my views for a White Australian utopia,” he said.

Jones said he’s disappointed by the misunderstanding. “The problem with these Middle Eastern camel-jockey sand nig…our Lebanese-Australian friends is that they don’t know how to take a joke. My favourite horse is an Arabian stallion and every evening I rest my feet on an Ottoman so I don’t know how anyone can accuse me of being racist.”