Approximately 50,000 people have marched through London in a demonstration against the behaviour of the 15 captured British sailors today, according to police reports. The protestors are calling for a complete media boycott of the situation, after it was revealed the sailors were selling their stories.

“They’ve given hostages a bad name by selling their stories, it’s disgraceful, and we urge governments and radical groups to not let this incident deter them from taking hostages in the future,” one protester told Satirical Muslim.

“They’ve totally ruined it for me,” said Emma, a student at UCL, who has dreamt all her life of being a hostage one day.

One couple, Greg and Alice, share the same dream. “Me being taken hostage is the only thing that will save our marriage. You know, recapture the magic,” explained Greg who’s been trying to get kidnapped for 10 years. “And to think, all it took was a dip in the Persian Gulf,” said Alice, chuckling.

“I hate all 15 and think bad things should happen to them, the Iranian kidnapping doesn’t count,” said single mother Helen, whose six month old son, Eric was currently “pulling a Batchelor”.

Protesters carried placards bearing messages such as “For $ail”, “What would Jack Bauer do?”, “Loose lips sinks ships”, “$ail outs!”, “Who will play you in the movie?” and “April Fools!”. Some marchers chanted the chorus of the traditional sea shanty “What Shall We Do with the Drunken Sailor?”

Protesters from all walks of life came to participate and voice their concerns. Amongst the crowd were a group of ex-sailors who had this to say about the incident: “The hostage situation was a perfect opportunity to show the world what British sailors were made of. Turns out putty,” James Cunningham, a sailor, told SM. “Thanks to the likes of Arthur Batchelor, sailors will continue to be the butt of jokes in the armed services”.

At one point in the day, emotions were high as a group of protesters ended up burning the British flag. “I’ve just always wanted to do that,” explained Steve “Flamer” Reed. “You know, to be THAT guy. I hope the lads at the office are watching! John, you owe me £50!”

The protest has even attracted international support, including North Korean Leader Kim Jong II, who expressed his outrage at the turn of events. “The Iranian President stole my thunder! I was going to do a whole nuclear threat against China meets Punk’d bit; Ashton and I were to appear on North Korean national television in keeping with April Fools’ day tradition, but I can’t now because it’s awkward. I feel like a prom queen robbed of her crown. I just want to not be around anyone right now, ” an emotional Kim Jong II said.

The BBC journalist Alan Johnston, kidnapped 30 days ago in Palestine, broke his media silence for an unprecedented video address to the British hostages chastising them for their “lilly-livered, half-hearted performance” singling out Batchelor as “a pathetic nancy boy” and urged the Iranians to be tougher on him next time.

Batchelor has signed a deal to produce a movie about his ordeal. Angry that he has been portrayed as “Mr Bean” by the Iranians, he has welcomed the opportunity to correct the story and his image. He will be played by Rowan Atkinson in the screen adaptation. He is also the new face of Pampers, after signing a £100,000 deal with them this week.