The Regressive Muslim Union (RMU) today called for a boycott on boycotts. Satirical Muslim exclusively interviewed spokesman Tu Koul.

“We basically got sick and tired of Muslims boycotting stuff. One day it’s Israel, the next it’s the United States, then it was Sweden. Now, it’s Rosie O’Donnell. The madness has got to stop.

“You can call for boycotts till the cows come home, but it does not detract from the important issues facing our community. We need more female imams leading mixed congregations; more Muslim soldiers in the US army; more funding from Congress. That kind of thing.”

But some commentators agree that boycotting boycotts raises logical dilemmas. If you boycott boycotts, should you include the boycott of boycotts among the boycotted boycotts? If you do, then you would, paradoxically, be supporting boycotts.

This presents a Catch-22: if you boycott boycotts, then you must allow boycotts. And if you allow boycotts, then you must boycott boycotts, as you would be allowing the boycott of boycotts.

Meanwhile, Shaykh Mufti Muhammad Najeeb Afzal-Uddin Khan Sahib expresses an opposing view. He issued the following statement: “A’udhubillah. Boycotting boycotts is an evil bid`ah. The Righteous Predecessors never called for boycotting boycotts, and neither should we. (Boycotts are those groups of young boys who go out into the woods, right?)”

Several senior members of his congregation agreed, loudly expressing their intention to boycott the boycott boycott.